Hello 2021 January and Feb

 Finally Back again was on Hiatus... It was a Crazy December 2020 the landlord surprise visitation, cut the story short he told me I have to evacuate the apartment fast, as known the house leader has failed to negotiate with the owner, then he just broke the 4 years contract our deposit forfeited, then i have to leave within few days.

Busy like a Bee

Was busy like a bee, looking for a new place to move and looking for new....and looking for new jobs and attended a few interviews. Thank God found a place without contract that means if i found new place i can just ditch my House leader.

January 2021,

Now New challenges arise, all the local businesses are slowing because of COVID19 and the Lockdown. Hope everything gets better, I have joined some Entrepreneur classes and Sidehustle Classes, but the problem is Always lack of budget, I cannot go ALL OUT.

VINCE tan Masterclass Charge very high,  Normally these webinars, They advertise their workshop online like Facebook and YouTubes, these are the commonplace where those stranded in.

Yes, things are not perfect as it Seen... This picture Illustrates all.  Tearful Eyes and Mouthful of Foams...

Hope Next month things will be better when I apply different strategies into the ball game of Life. 

After taking caffein mind are fulls of ideas, But I have to document it before it fades, don't have time to practice all in the same time, so gotta record it first ... Test it later. 

New Seasons, it hurts =) smile again

Thank you God.

Heartfelt.
The New Season.
Somehow felt that it is the time to move on again,
Gotta say goodbye to TOD.
Dr. Loh said was right.
Although it is hard, but i will endure it.

somehow I felt like leaving before i ever did.

What the hell have happened in 2014, 2015, 2016..

Waited till now, time of preparation is perfected, now time to get up and take actions

Stucked, Am I ?

Am I the only person stucked?

Indecisive in Decision making,

mess all around...

Fear of making mistakes, 

Perfectionist comes in.

I do not know where to start,

I know how to start,

but it seems 

overloaded with facts 

too many choices leave to indecisiveness.

Oh my God, the cycle goes on and on,

Procrastinate, later when actual event is near not much time for preparations,

Regrets kicks in, then get into distractions mode, distracted by games and events doesn't directly related to me. 

Suddenly think like a woman, a lot of things on mind, that I could not get it out. Simply could express myself through writing blogs and journal

Try to use less words to carry more exact meaning and express emotions straight to the Dot.

Recently learned how to tell a story.

No Woman No Cry, Disagree

No woman No cry?
No woman, but
I have cried,
Wanna Cry
but no tears
such immense sadness
cannot be express by just tears and tantrum
Deep intense of dissatisfactions.

Regrets have a few,
Fear of future I have none,
Although the future seems unclear
I think worrying won't solve it
It will just make things worst.

Worrying and Fear have no grip from me,
but the some regrets and guilts of the past,
Keep on flashing back.


I have been strong for too long, sometime is okay to cry, but this time that kind of sadness cannot be cried out. My vocabulary, have become " I have should...." " what if " I gotta stop thinking else, overthinking could make me feel depress.

Okay for now I share until here, to be continued.....
I have promised I will write consistently even though it may be short.

Thanksgiving

Give Thanks Songs keep on echoing in my heart
Although this year has been tough year.
by HIS grace I have overcome a lot of trials and testings
well, I am still alive

Really Grateful and contented with that, as long you are living
you have the power to change your circumstances.

Grateful I am Alive to fix all those junks in my life,
Life don't give me second chance but you gave me life, future, and  hope....

Too many things to mention about your greatness, faithfulness in keeping and helping me through.

In summary, give thanks all the blessings e have given me, counts your blessings and you will realised a lot of thing worth give thanks for.

Don't Give Up

Throwback what Happened Last week....
Went for Interview at Fuji Xerox,
Got the feeling I have done well and Screwed the interview at the sametime. Hard to explain it is kind of mixed feelings, anyway I don't wish to worry about that.
Don't care what are the outcomes, gotta continue apply for Jobs...
This transitions of job is not easy, but i will persevere and consistently apply for jobs

Don't Give Up, as long you don't Give up there still be chance...
Eventually you will made it.
If you gave up in the half way, you won't see yourself through.

I want to encourage all, No matter how hard life throws at you, don't give up continue to fight you will see yourself through.

So far I have attended alot of interviews just don't know when they will call me for next appointment. but I cannot just sit there and wait for them, while waiting I am doing some parttime.... and multiple applications sent. Goodnews will be coming through.....
Will update on my next post  :)

Short Updates

Short Updates

Nothing much or less i have expect in Life?
Except to be Happy.
There are times I hope that shouldn't be born.

Why I am born in this Family ?
Most of the time I have questioned my existence
Sad.
Am I Proud to be the member of their family? No


Born in a Family full of strive.
I believe Most people are not Proud of their Dad. Am I... NO, not proud of my Dad
Most of the children do not have good relationship with dad.
I used to have hope looking forward for father's love care and support...
Until the day that was hurt so badly, I told myself enough is enough ...
I do not want to get hurt anymore, that was the last phrase I told him
I would not talk to him until his death.
Even till his death I don't feel remorse nor regret.
It is Him who taken me for granted not me.
Always I am the one who is reaching out until I get tired and sick of those attitude.
I believe LOVE toward him has grow cold.

Now, Is my Mom's turn, felt like thing not going better......

Hope as time goes by everything will tilt to the positive side

Choose to Leave or Stay

Am I going to delete those negative people and stop their influence over my life?
Choice is yours, to change or remain...
Well i choose to change, despite of my situation what could i do?
Not to react any dramas causes by them but remain calm at all time stay away from them as far as possible.

Who is the them ?
Those negative people.
Have you ever came across some people who come to you with only complains but when you have understand what they are going through and presented solutions to them, they ignored and continue to complains the situations they are going through.
Telling you, you never understood until you gone through thinking their problems are so unique they are the only person in the world is suffering it.

Self-pity fellas, such a pathetic being, he know what he is going through but refuse to take actions,
have everyone on the list to be blame except himself.
Everyday dialogs are "poor me "
Talking to them drains much of my Mana  ( energy).
I have plan my way out , stay away from them before they demotivate me and bring me along with them to the pit of hell.

I am jovial person, I may have alot of optimistic energy but it will be drained out speaking with self-pity...
Day after day they will come to you the same complains, fucked just get a life.
Sometime I think why don't you change if you are unhappy with your current situations, instead of complain.

Lesson Learnt

Lesson Learnt

ouch I know it burns.
First I want to thank you, my ex-boss from Fitcore Fitness
Underpaid salary, long haul of work time from 10am to 12am,
I am paid for peanuts,
The major reason that I left the company because the delay payment of salary,
The Boss told me that usually there is a delay payment of salary caused by the Accountant,
resposibility have pushed aside to the accountant saying normally salary will be out on the 15th of every month.

I felt really angry, as I am expected to come on time for work, I also expect my employer would pay to me on time, unfortunately I felt that he did that intentionally, because for the first 2 month he delay our pay before in april and May,  he said on June onwards salary will be out on the 15th, I cannot accept it I decided to leave the company, Fitcore Fitness. For those who have been checking the company background , this is it , a brief info, this is a new company existed no longer than 3 years.

The thing I have discover while clearing the files, first most of the Ex- employees left , the managers and boss did not gave clear reasons why they left , I have realized the many employees left on the first quarter of the year 2016, probably due to the reasons where the boss he did not pay them well, long haul of working time...

 

 I gave my resignation letter on 3rd July, 2016, I couldn't take it anymore....

After spoken to a Servant of the Lord, she have prayed for me, I have received the boldness, The next day I spoken to my Manager of my resignation.
Initially I have promised to help him until Wednesday, then I have changed my mind, I have decided to state my last dy on Sunday instead, short pain is better than long suffering

She have Changed

Yesterday Sucks I feel like Dying, all the fractions of the past and present intertwine..

Unexplained Sadness keep dwelling for days and weeks

But

No worry I am still strong,

No matter how hard I will never took my own life

everything used to be.....

Now every sentence start with this word

"Used to be..."

People changes whether you can accept it or not,

It is a harsh fact and a lot of truths within.

Whether they grow together or they growth apart.

Well it depends how is the communication.

People grow cold or they grow warmer, this is how friendships grows and Family ties...

Some have blood ties and they thought because they have bloodties they need not to be constantly communicate effectively, which lead to many misunderstanding and even breaking in the family.

People hate each others, People no longer wanna talk to each other.

This is how i felt constant frustration in communication which caused me not to speak at all during this festive season of Chinese New Year.

Didn't stop me anyway, finally I have learnt to shut up and react less, yeah I admit it takes a lot of patience and handwork.

Fear and Anger has it place in me, still along way to go...

Today my Eldest sister have tasted my wrath, I have just scolded her violently with all the harsh words propelled like rockets and Flame

Well this Chinese New Year I have a few resolutions which I have promised myself, not to take things so personal in friendship, let it be for Relationship that I cannot keep, I will not sustain but abstain from it. I have decided long ago, but dare not take action. Let me face every obstacles with boldness.

Dear God, gimme strength and wisdom to overcome all the obstacles, 

6th Feb 2016.... vision embedded,

NEW YEAR 2016

New Year 2016

New Beginning,
New Seasons
New Changes,
Change become the antique.

Mother Therasa Once Said,
 ' Some people come into our life as blessing some come into our lives as lessons'
I have learned alot thank God.
Scammers and Real Friends help me learn what is the realistic life


Just today my roommate have spoken to a few of my other housemates,
He refuse to let us the roommates to know what actually happened
I do not know what is the new conspiracy is this.
For now he act like leaders of the room that is pact with the leader of the house.

He keep spreading the news that does not allow us(roommates) to know.
I do not know what but I surrender all to YOU LORD JESUS.
Believing NO weapon form against me will prosper.
All things work well for those who LOVE HIM (JESUS)


I take RISK again, indeed i trust in you LORD. This year 2016 make it a different year.
In Faith I believe I will archieved this year GOALS.
I will take on 2 jobs. One it will be a Sales Executive job the other will be Financial Consultant, working day and night. Lifestyle gonna be change time to be serious with my own careers wake up Justin You are 26 years old. It is time to give your all, I am ALL IN, full gear

Ain't Good, Life is Move On

Things are not going well this month of June, Business is going slow.

People I have asked for appointment do not wish to come out, I guess I have to endure with it, persevere and change the approach that I have used to meet them.

The month of July will be the month of redemption, I have got another offer letter from another company,  will be running 2 business simultaneously, both are from the same industry and hope I could gain as much experience with AIG. 

Guy who play musical Instrument are Cool right ? haha not talking about myself 

Goodnews During my down moments, I have reignite my passion

 towards music. 

I went back to college join the music composition societies and Music societies.

So good to be back and reconnect with People who loves music.

These Korean Drama about classical music in Pop culture it is inspiring

Here is the Link for Beethoven Virus for Pals from US 

Don't you agree girls on Violin are Sexy hahaha

Regrets

Regrets i have a few, today went bodybuilding competitions, aiks missed the photo taking session with my bro, feeling kinda shy, i hesitated to meet him for picture session. Kinda proud of him, never the less i tell myself never cry over spilled milk.

Next time be bold and do it, better making mistakes than regrets for not taking the opportunity when limited time is given.
Cheers.

Tunnel

Past 3 months, just trap into this hole of depression.
Desperately seeking the way out, but i couldn't, anxious heart weight a man down. 

Fear of futures grip my heart, lacks of security drives me around doing things that condition myself to feel safe. Fears over grips my heart and worries paralysed my mind, everyday seems to be mundane, all i hope is the struggle is over.

Well 4 month have passed, Freedom visited me, i went to Freedom Seminar at Kingdom City Church, during the worship service i felt the touch of God's love, his warm embrace envelope me, like the waves cover the shores.

As been set free from oppression, my heart felt the release but my mind still struggles with racing thoughts, i know God still haven't finnish with me. As many whys start appearing in my mind, i have started to doubts and the fears revisited me again.

It was Wednesday evening, after work i have dilemma of deciding whether to go for company's training or just return home. After consulting my mom i still not convince to make decision, my mind was having lot of what-if" .

A step of faith, 

I took a step of faith just pray and get myself moving to the training venue. While on the way to my company, my self consciousness begin to manifest, begin to project what may happens.  On the journey to my company i took a bus, while i was inside the bus, thinking to distract myself from the overwhelming sensation fear i have plug-on to some of my favourite Christian songs.

"I am no longer slave to fear, I am the child of God." This song moved my heart, God was speaking to me through this songs of deliverance. I wanna express my Thanks to you Father, thank you for delivering from all fears. 

Meditation of those songs have moved my heart, i have made a decision of never look back to the past and Move forward towards the goals he have put in my heart.

I am forever grateful, from that day till now my mind is constantly renew, and I am enjoying the fellowship of the holy spirit